127 days to go

I wish I could change of the name of this blog. I would add something to do with the job I do now. I think I was still 17 when I opened it. I wish I had kept track of it. I'm 21 now, and so much has changed in my life.

I've been reading a lot of things about military wives just now. It's been making me sad. My boyfriend and I have the struggle of both being active duty, and it makes it hard to see each other. It's not too bad right now, we see each other about every 4ish months for about 2 weeks. It's more then some people but less then others. I love him so much, but he is going to be the one who becomes a military spouse. His contract is up in April, but I am reenlisting. I love the military I can't help it. I love everything about it, I love what I do, I love the culture, and I love being a part of something bigger. He wants to get out and go to college. I'm trying to go to Japan next, and no matter how you slice it that's far from America. We haven't found a practical way to be together. We're not in a hurry to get married. I'll be there for about 3 years if I go. And I really want to go. I'll be on a ship and gone a lot. It's hard to think that I might make him a military spouse. Waiting for me all the time, wishing I was home to be there for him. It's hard for him to understand. We joined the military for different reasons. He wanted the college money, but I joined to serve my country. He joined to do the minimum and get out after 4 years, but I joined to make it a career. I never thought of kids or marriage. 4 years after I joined I am thinking about marriage, but not kids. I'm worried that that might be a problem later. It's not something I'm wanting to think about just yet.

I love this man very much. That's why I made my profile picture a picture of him. Anytime I am able to change the picture on something; laptop, phone, etc., I usually make it a picture of him. I miss him so much sometimes it hurts. Most people don't take our relationship very seriously because we are long distance, and we're young. (I'm 21 he's 23). But we have managed to stay completely faithful, and completely in love. I never question his actions, his friends, if I don't hear from him.... I never think he is doing anything he shouldn't be doing. And the same from him. I am a female in the military. My base is 9% female, so most of my friends are men. But he never questions. He trusts me, he loves me, and I never question his intentions. He is the best thing that has ever happened to me.

And when people don't take my relationship seriously, it's incredibly frustrating. Long distance is hard enough without everyone doubting you. I know I want to spend the rest of my life with him, and I think he feels that way too. We have enough working against us with the distance, the military, the times zones, the work schedules. It's hard enough to have a good relationship with that. He lives in South Korea right now, about an hour West of Pusan. As I stated, I live in Bahrain. It's 6 time zones, we both have crazy schedules. He's getting ready for work right about now I think actually. He works nights, and I work days. Which is pretty inconvenient to my sleep schedule, but it's worth it. Sometimes I stay up pretty late, sometimes more then he does, but he's trying more.

I am probably going to blog so much over the next few days. He just left 2 days ago. I hate that we count down like crazy for 4 months, and then the 2 weeks flies by and we go right back to counting down. I live in a Muslim country too, so we couldn't kiss in the airport. It's a small airport though, so we waited in the car until his boarding time and then hugged and snuck the quickest kiss in. We didn't want any hassle. PDA is not allowed in Muslim countries, in case you don't know. Now here I am, back to counting down. To a moment more then worth it. Next time I see him it will be for the Navy Ball. I am so excited for that. He will get to wear his Cracker Jacks, and since I am going on leave to another command's Ball, I don't have to wear my uniform and can wear a dress since I will be escorted  by a military man. Today is day one of getting into shape for this dress! I just have to decide on a dress. I have a bit of a tummy, so I have to wait to pick a dress until I see what's going to fit my body better. I'm a cross between curvy and pear, so it can be hard. I'm about 5'5" and 156 right now. I WAS 151, but I have what I call "home cooked curves" right now from my Boyfriend cooking for me.

Anyway, time to watch Mad Men.

It's been a minute

Between basic training, boot camp, A school, then Bahrain, and mostly NOT owning a laptop, I have not even tried to get on this thing. That's not to say that I haven't thought about it. I cannot believe how much has changed since I was a civilian. Almost 3 years I have been in. The Navy has been good to me. I actually just got promoted from E3 to E4, which means more money and the right to move off base. I am excited for that. I also think it's funny how my picture for this is multi colored hair. I haven't dyed my hair in forever.

I live in Bahrain these days. I have been here for over 2 years. For those of you who did not know, it's an island kingdom off the coast of Saudi Arabia. 16 miles to be precise, and I love it.

i'm a Smoker

i've been fighting with everyone today. i know, what's new right? my family thinks i'm stressed. i've thought about it. they're right. i'm flipping out. i have one last shot to take the DLAB before I leave for the navy, and if i don't pass i don't get the job i want and i've been dying to have and i enlisted just to get. if i don't pass, i'm not sure if i really want the job i have. but i don't really have a choice. plus, my weight is over. i was 147 when i enlisted, and i was 166 last week. my max is 160. the navy is PISSED at me. i don't get to ship if my weight doesn't drop. on top of that, i can't take the DLAB if my weight doesn't drop. fml is what i feel like shouting. i'm flipping out. they asked me on top of it if i've changed anything in the last 6-9 months that could have made my weight go so high. i haven't really chnaged the way i eat or work out, and around Nov is when my weight went up. it was about 147-151 consistently until then. then, i stop smoking in Nov. suddenly my weight goes up to the 160's! SHIT! i'm pretty sure it's because i stopped smoking. i started up again a little. i bought a pack last friday, finished it last night so it took me a week. i've already dropped six pounds, and i haven't even changed anything! i'm seriously considering taking up smoking again in order to get my weight down. i can't afford to lose my contract. i don't want to smoke, i know my boyfriend won't be crazy but at the same time won't care. if that makes sense.... plus basic is a smoke free zone, i won't even be able to smoke after that so it's not that big of a deal. i won't smoke once i join, but i'm afraid it'll make running harder. GAH too much of a decision. i keep putting off packing too....

Nighttime

2 nights ago i was n my porch, and it felt different. the air was crisp, but still. no breeze. not a car drove by, and i couldn't hear a single bird, owl or bat. no crickets, no people walking home from the bars, no parties. not a sound. it was the most peaceful it's ever been outside my house. and i just sat there, and thought. for awhile actually, it was nice. the sky was orange too i couldn't see a single star and it was like a blue orange. like the clouds were orange and just the bits of blue sky that are managing to poke through are causing almost a speckled look across the sky. i have to admit, it was quite the enjoyable night. i was outside for about 3 hours, thinking and then talking to my sister when she came out to join me. the sun was starting to rise when i finally went in to sleep.

I think I have a boyfriend now, I'm not sure? if that in anyway can make sense. there is this boy, and he is very sweet, and very kind, and he very much likes me. i went to school with him for seven years, and never really thought about it. i had classes with him, and talked to him about frank zappa, chuck norris and wasco. he was funny, and i was attracted to that, but i never thought about it. i guess he didn't either. and then, on graduation night, we talked, and talked, and talked, and talked and next thing ya now we're admiting we like each other and texting almost 24/7. he's meeting my mom, and i'm planning to meet his family, and blah blah. it's nus how it happened in a way. his name is mike mann, and i hope to make the best out of the two months that we are able to spend together.

bonfires, drunk neighbors, and rock band,

It appears i have become nocturnal, but hey that's the price you pay to have fun, right? i woke up at 5pm today, I'm not sure how i feel about that. i realized that most people were starting dinner while i hadn't even started breakfast. i felt like shit for awhile, probably was the whole, 'staying up until 8am because I had snuck Mike Mann into my house' thing. terrible idea in a way because i felt like i was gonna die, i didn't wanna do shit. then i took a shower an got cleaned up around nine, deciding to go out to a bonfire at my good friend Sammy's boyfriend's house. then she pussied out and fell asleep, so me and Caroline went to Olympic Star around 11:30. then we took a trip across the street to jewel because we had a coupon for a free pint of Starbucks ice cream. we always have a good time when we go out. i like that. good times.

we were gonna watch fight club when we got home, but our mom fell asleep on the couch in front of the tv because our crazy fuckin, drunk asshole neighbors like to go "WOOOOOOOO!!!" at all hours of the fuckin night, and her room is like, 30ft from their back porch because the assholes who lived here before us decided to turn their garage into 2 more, incredibly stupid designed bedrooms. SO! her room is really close to their house. i don't blame her.
so instead me and my sister caroline had a bonfire in our driveway, unlike normal people who have them in their backyards. that's another thanks to our previous dumbshit owners, because they had the bright idea to build a garage where their small backyard SHOULD have been, then build a stupid carport where there was ugly useless backyard, INSTEAD of building a garage there where it was ugly like we later did, leaving the backyard, and finishing the basement to add more bedrooms. like we did. stupid fucks.

the bonfire was a success though. the two of us listened to random songs of michael jackson and radiohead while eating java chip starbucks ice cream, burning old business documents that we found when the basement flooded, and listening to our neighbors go "WOOOOOO!!!" only to discover they were actually playing drunken rock band and were singing. we took caroline's laptop with it's webcam and took some intense footage. my god were they terrible, but it was the funniest fuckin thing i've ever seen. from the back of our house, we can see straight into their living room. priceless, if only they knew.

fml.

actually, i just learned what that meant like 2 weeks ago. sooo i leave for the navy in 2 months, and i don't know why but it's making me take stock of my life. is that a good thing or bad? i think i'm too young for taking stock.

i went on a date friday. it was cool. i'm indifferent. about everything? sure.

more later? maybe tonight. not in a blogging mood.